The kid is at it again.
For no apparent reason he has thrown his lunch across the room. Or she has screamed uncontrollably at 3:15 PM. Or you feel sluggish and have low capacity by noon.
There might not be an “apparent” reason, but I promise you, there is always a reason for behaviour. So what can you do about it?
Start a behaviour diary.
It’s an exceptionally easy activity that can have huge benefits.
The steps are simple and you can download a template here.
Behaviour Diary Instructions
- Write down significant behaviour (good and bad) that you notice in your child. (I.e. They threw a tantrum in the mall, or they were particularly affectionate after school, or they didn’t throw their supper across the table, etc.)
- Note the date and make notes about what was happening at that time (and perhaps 30 minutes prior). (I.e. It was a fight to get their shoes on before going out and they “kept it together” until they got to the mall, or you hear from the teacher that your child had been unusually tired, etc.)
- Keep going for 2 weeks to see if any patterns emerge. (I.e. It’s ALWAYS a fight to get shoes on… perhaps there is a sensory issue. You find that when your child is tired they become affectionate. You found their favourite meal – the only one they don’t toss – is grilled cheese and pickles.)
It’s simple and takes only a moderate commitment, but there are three big benefits to creating a behaviour diary for your child.
It Forces You to Pay Attention
If you are intentional about noticing behaviour and making notes on it, you will connect in a new way with your child. Half the battle of helping our kids is paying careful attention. And the great thing is, if you pay attention for two weeks to the little and big changes in their moods and behaviour, it will become second nature to you.
I would say most misbehaviour can be dealt with in 60 seconds or less if we are attentive!
It Causes You to Notice the Good with the Bad
You want to keep a behaviour diary, not a terrible behaviour diary. The reality is your child doesn’t misbehave all the time, even if it feels like it. When we note the successes as well as the struggles, we reframe the issue and become balanced parents.
Furthermore, by noting the good behaviour you will find patterns that lead to successes as well as how to avoid those that lead to melt-downs.
Teaching yourself to see the positive can only help.
It Arms You With Information
You aren’t only doing this for yourself. You are doing this for your child’s teacher (or if you are a teacher, for their parent), for his babysitter, for her grandparents.
Once you have started to see patterns emerge, you will be in a position to help everyone who wants to help your child. And that is a very good thing.
So there you have it! One of the easiest tools you can use to help your child. While you’re at it, you may want to start a behaviour diary for your husband, your mother, your dog, your parrot, yourself…
Need help as a parent? Please don’t hesitate to reach out! If I can’t help, I’ll do my best to connect you with someone who can.
Thom Van Dycke
Speaker, Writer, Husband, Dad
Tara and I were married in 2001 and have a house full of kids (and a few that have outgrown the house!) We became foster parents in 2011 and since then have welcomed 30 children into our home. Currently, we have 8 kids ranging from newborn to 24-years old (we even have a son-in-law!). My heart beats for kids from hard places and I was trained as a TBRI Practitioner in 2017.
Comments
Great article Thom! I will be putting this to use!