Here we go; t-minus 12 days to Halloween.
Any of these situations feel familiar?
Your kid has trouble regulating the best day and she is already planning her costume for Halloween. It has flashing lights, doesn’t fit right, has uncomfortable fabric, and stinks like a second-hand store. Perfect for a kid with a sensory processing disorder, but she wore it for the past two years, and this year isn’t going to be any different.
Or maybe your kid’s body can’t process sugar and it drives his ADHS into the atmosphere. Last year he hid candy in his room and feasted every night for a month before you figured out why he was so happy to go to bed, and so dysregulated about 15 minutes later.
Perhaps, your child has autism and you know the accumulated social anxiety of trick-or-treating is going to lead to some intense melt-downs in the coming days.
This may actually be the first time you hope COVID cancels something. But then there is the impending devastation of your kid missing out.
Next week I’m going to write a blog with suggestions on what to do if you decide to do Halloween at home. Today we’ll assume the government hasn’t shut down trick-or-treating and your kid has successfully negotiated his annual neighbourhood candy campaign.
PREPARE YOUR CHILD
Preparation is key. First, you are going to want to go over several ground rules.
If you are familiar with Trust-Based Relational Intervention, you will have likely heard about “life value terms or scripts.” Life value terms or scripts are phrases that you repeat often in your home, using the same words each time. For example:
- Gentle and kind
- With respect
- Stick together
- Hands are for helping, not for hurting (a familiar one in our home!)
These phrases when repeated very, very often, with actions or re-do’s – when kids don’t get them right – are powerful proactive ways to teach kids when you’re at home and safe! The true value of these types of activities is discovered when going out on a night like Halloween. With the terms firmly entrenched in your kids’ brains, you can rehearse them before going out and establish the guidelines for a safe night.
If you haven’t practiced anything like this use Halloween as your first foray into the power of life value scripts. Just make sure you start talking about them today. Make a game of it, like “red light-green light” for example, to practice good listening, and you’ll be well on your way to having a safer, more enjoyable Halloween.
GET SUGAR FREE CANDY
Yes, it can be a bit expensive, but it’s worth it! At the end of the night, do a straight-up swap for all the sugar-filled stuff your kid accumulated and you’ll hopefully avoid both the disappointment tantrum AND the horrible sugar jitters that many kids can get.
Again, preparation is the key. Let your kiddo know that at the end of the evening you will allow him to set aside 7 favourite candies and then you’ll trade him sugar-free candy for the rest.
Pro-Tip: If you get home early enough and successfully negotiate the trade, you can recycle his candy to hand out to the older trick-or-treaters who stay out later. I’m kidding. Sort of. Alternatively, you could just make your own secret stash to tap into throughout the year… just hide them good. (That’s another blog topic.)
PREPARE YOURSELF
Look the reality is with the lights, the noises, the excitement, the sugar, etc. etc., there’s bound to be a melt-down of some sort. So just get ready. (And remember, melt-downs can happen a day or two after the actual night.) We don’t want our kids to miss out on the memories, the fun, the time with friends and family. It’s actually worth a day or two of challenges with our kids.
Remember, it always feels personal when our kids misbehave. But it’s not personal!
So take a deep breath. (I have to.) Put on a smile and make the most of it. It will be worth it in the end!
ONE LAST THOUGHT
It may be that your kids just can’t do Halloween like the rest of the neighbourhood. Maybe they have trauma, and going out at night strikes terror in their little hearts. Maybe they have autism and it’s just very very hard to do social interaction or leave their evening routine. Maybe they don’t have a lot of friends, and going out with mom and dad as companions reminds them of how lonely they are.
Don’t just assume that they want to skip out altogether! Be creative! Ask your neighbours if you can arrange a safe set of homes to visit at 4:00 PM before the masses hit the streets. If I knew that one of my neighbour kids struggled with the evening hours or asking for candy, I would do everything I could to make it work for their special needs.
Plus… if you do arrange an earlier time to go to the neighbours, you’ll get the best candy because it won’t have been picked through already!
If you have a kiddo with particular special needs and want some brainstorming for ideas, put your question in the comments and I’ll respond. Or just email or text me and I’ll reply!
You’ve got a week and a half to prepare!
Thom Van Dycke
Speaker, Writer, Husband, Dad
Tara and I were married in 2001 and have a house full of kids (and a few that have outgrown the house!) We became foster parents in 2011 and since then have welcomed 30 children into our home. Currently, we have 8 kids ranging from newborn to 24-years old (we even have a son-in-law!). My heart beats for kids from hard places and I was trained as a TBRI Practitioner in 2017.
