School is hard on kids. It always has been, and it certainly is now.
All the social interaction. The stress of not understanding and feeling dumb. Or maybe even just the exhaustion that comes with physical and mental exertion.
Kids come home feeling pretty worn out. And why wouldn’t they be? I feel the same way after work.
But kids from hard places are particularly susceptible to these external pressures.
For example, take a child with sensory processing disorder. Think about the noise they have to endure throughout the day. Bus engines. Kids tapping pencils. Chalk on the chalk board (well not anymore, those dry erase markers are pretty dang stealthy.) Playgrounds, music class, gym, these are all high-noise environments.
This child may work extremely hard to keep themselves regulated all day, but when they get home?
Out burst.
And why? Because without the added social pressure of trying to fit in, they simply can’t manage the big feelings inside anymore.
As parents, we can relate. We all have days where we are just so exhausted from navigating people at work or the grocery store, that “All we want is five freaking minutes of silence!” (That wasn’t a direct quote… I just imagine that I might sound that way from time to time.)
So if I, as an adult, have trouble remaining regulated at home, how much more difficult must it be for a kids from a hard place!
It’s a challenge to say the least. So here are four simple strategies you could work on today with your child to help manage the transition back home and keep them regulated for the rest of their day.
Give them space
If your child has been surrounded by noise and activity and energy all day, why not give them some space to do whatever they want for 20 or 30 minutes. Let them watch a calm show on TV or spend time in the sandbox or on the trampoline.
Let them play quietly in their room or even have a short nap!
Hold off on the chores and try to space out the next activity (i.e. swimming lessons, heading over the Nana’s, or helping with supper) until they have had some time to decompress. Space is a brilliant strategy for the kid who is overwhelmed after a day at school.
Feed and water them
Besides the fact that your child probably hasn’t taken the time to actually drink enough during the day, stress dehydrates and lowers their blood sugar. So, getting them to drink a class of water or juice and have a healthy snack while watching a show will help their little bodies refuel to make it through the evening.
I helped one family out that had a child who threw violent temper tantrums every day after school. They implemented drinking one full glass of water with a 20-minute play-alone time, and they went from several outbursts a week to less than one violent outburst in 6 weeks!
Our bodies need fuel to regulate, so this will help a lot.
Ask them what they need
It’s a novel concept I know, but actually asking your child what they need could really help you craft a routine to help them transition home.
One young man I was helping with practically shouted at his parents that all he wanted was to shoot hoops for 20 minutes after school.
Their eyes went big because a) they had completely missed the mark and b) because it was such a simple solution.
Granted the younger the child, the less they will be able to articulate what they need, but you can still ask!
Intentionally connect with your child
Right when your little guy or girl gets home, provided they don’t need space immediately, give them a hug and ask them about the best part of their day.
If you think about it, they have spent the day attaching to peers and teachers, but now they need to reattach to mom and dad. You need to re-establish the primary connection in their life, you. And it rarely happens by accident.
So when they get home, set aside dinner prep, or put down your phone, get out from behind your desk and get your kiddo onto your lap for a great time of celebrating the good in their day and welcoming them back into their home.
What do you do that helps your kids transition home after school? Share your thoughts in the comments!
If you need support as a foster parent, please contact me! If I can’t help I will connect you with someone who can.
Thom Van Dycke
Speaker, Writer, Husband, Dad
Tara and I were married in 2001 and have a house full of kids (and a few that have outgrown the house!) We became foster parents in 2011 and since then have welcomed 30 children into our home. Currently, we have 8 kids ranging from newborn to 24-years old (we even have a son-in-law!). My heart beats for kids from hard places and I was trained as a TBRI Practitioner in 2017.